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have nothing but hooting and criticism for my (in the original Italian) prima ballerina a la pole, disdain for my tiara ("He's covering his bald spot with it!"), my performance (tip: don't try pole dancing while eating a burrito!), ridiculing my darling pink ballerina outfit, my moustache and every damned little picky, picky little detail, like, "At least shave your legs and your chest, for crying out loud! Jeez! Gross!" and you will run home, crying, to lock yourself in your backyard bunker where you arm yourself to the teeth with large-caliber weapons and vow to kill the first person who asks, "How did it go?

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